Douglas Kneller Esq
Why you will marry the wrong person
More from The School of Life.com
Intro by Douglas Kneller, Esq.
Yasmin Mogahed said “People wonder what goes wrong after the wedding day. I think it’s when giving turns to expecting and gratitude turns to entitlement.”
Divorce is not like a surgery where you go to sleep and it’s all over when you wake up. Far from it. Yes. Divorce is hard work. But does it have to be war? No. Not necessarily. Resolving to work closely with your attorney to get it right the first time will greatly affect the outcome of your case and possibly improve your most important relationships. Be prepared and committed to doing the homework that is asked of you. Commit to fairness. Embrace change. Know that your divorce will affect every aspect of your life, possibly for the better, if you are willing.
Few attorneys set out to work in divorce court. In certain ways, this job found me—I did not find it. You would have to be insane to go into this line of work. I've realized over time that my life energy is best directed towards helping people resolve their issues with partners who are trying to control or take advantage of them. Male or female, gender is not the issue. The issue is intention—whether someone is acting unfairly or hurting you or your children.
Nobody wins in a divorce
The people who prevail and achieve emancipation on their own terms, with their dignity intact, are those who work at maintaining a positive outlook and become active participants in their legal representation. The more organized you are, the more organized your attorney will be. Open your mind and do the homework that is asked of you. Above all, try to find your sense of humor under perhaps the most perplexing, unfunny and painful of circumstances.
The legal system is a foreign land to most people. It has its own language. Experience tells me that my clients need to know what to expect. I believe in educating you in law and procedure, and the importance of clear thinking. Once you are educated in a few principles, all related facts become powerful tools with which to achieve your goals amicably, or, if necessary, at trial. My common sense and universal approach to law enhances my ability to help people solve their problems in and out of the courtroom. My personal organizational structure, respect for the courts and knowledge of judicial predilections can be a tremendous asset to your representation.
Clear thinking is essential. Initially, I might ask my clients to enlist the help of their divorced friends by asking them "What went wrong in your divorce?" I urge them to actually write down these answers and think about what can be learned from their friends. Chances are, if your friend had been better informed, or had been better represented, they would not have made the same decisions or the same mistakes.
How can I become better informed and better organized in my divorce?
If you don't understand something about your divorce, it may be that your attorney doesn't understand either. Like other professional specialties, marital and family law is highly specialized and fraught with complexities. You want to be represented by someone who calmly understands the system, the law, the courts, and human nature. As a client, it pays to educate yourself up front rather than in hindsight.
How do you know what to do if you've never been through a divorce?
How can you make it easier for your children?
How will you manage your money?
How do you build a new life?
Seek counseling with a qualified therapist. This proactive step will help you and your family. Stress is not always apparent, especially in children. Interview more than one therapist. Find a good fit. Find someone who you’re comfortable with. Call my office for help finding a qualified mental health counselor and other divorce-related professionals
I've been blogging and tweeting about divorce, law and human nature since 2009, drawing on my unique experience of love, law and relationships. There is likely something I have blogged that will resonate with you. Go here:
Choose your divorce attorney wisely
According to the Florida Bar Association, there are approximately 93,000 attorneys in Florida. The total number of attorneys who are Florida Board Certified in Marital and Family law (including yours truly) is 262. These are attorneys who are considered experts in divorce and family law.
Interview more than one attorney
This is the smartest way to compare and contrast the personality and energy of the attorney who will be the vanguard of your divorce; the individual whose work product will affect you long after the papers are signed. A competent attorney will be interviewing you as well. He or she does not need your case, but will elect to work with you for a variety of reasons. For me, this is based on the passion and energy YOU bring to the table.
Divorce your loved one with dignity
Douglas Kneller, Esq .. ifloridadivorce.com, LLC
Follow me on Twitter: twitter.com/daytonadivorce